Did you know that May is foster
Care awareness month? Did you know that every two minutes a child enters the
foster care system? Did you know that it is usually about a two and a half year
wait for an adoption to be finalized, if they are chosen for adoption. Did you
know that statistics say youth who age out of the foster care system without
ever finding a forever family are more likely to become homeless, drug users,
incarcerated, or unemployed? I have done a different post almost every day this
last month on my facebook to bring awareness to the broken system we have. Here
are the posts, I hope and pray you will learn something from my story. I hope
you will choose to make a difference, be a voice, and be the change we so
desperately need.
Foster Care Awareness Day 1
May is Foster Care awareness month.
I spent roughly 3,400 days in foster care and went through about fifteen homes
in those ten years. Educate yourself on the life of a foster child. Do your
research. Take action. We are in a huge crisis right now. The increase of
children in foster care and the decrease of suitable homes is drastically
affecting America. Did you know a child enters the foster care system every TWO
minutes? Did you know that most foster children are stereotyped into never amounting
to much. Stereotyped into being "bad" children
"uncontrollable" children and "unlovable" children.
Foster Care Awareness Day 2
September 27, 1997 will forever be
etched in to my mind and memory. It was a day of tragedy but also a day of
renewed hope. You see at eight years old the only thing I knew was the
circumstances I had grown up in. I didn't know anything better. I knew it
wasn't how things were supposed to be. I knew the drugs and abuse weren't how
things were supposed to happen in a family. But it is all I knew. So imagine my
excitement when a whole new world of hopes and dreams was presented to me on
that day. Only for reality to hit me square in the heart. Not only was I not
going back to my parents but next thing I knew all of my siblings except for my
twin sister would eventually and very quickly be adopted out, or moved away. I
have spent the last almost twenty years trying to find and reconnect with my
nine siblings. It has been a long journey of reuniting. Twenty years later and
we still have one left to find until the #martin10strong are all found. The
main goal for the foster care system is to get everyone in a home. To make sure
each child is safe. Crazy thing is, some of my foster homes were way worse than
what I actually came out of. Think about that for a minute. I came out of a
horribly horrible situation. Unimaginable. So just imagine how I felt when the
people who were being PAID to keep me safe didn't.
Foster Care Awareness Day 3
Youth in foster care often do not
get the help they need with high school completion, employment, accessing
health care, continued educational opportunities, housing and transitional
living arrangements. Studies of youth who have left foster care have shown they
are more likely than those in the general population to not finish high school,
be unemployed, and be dependent on public assistance. Many find themselves in
prison, homeless, or parents at an early age. Many never find their forever
family often just floating through the system trying to survive. The one thing
I always dreamed about was being adopted. Wanted. Forever. It never happened,
and I thought that I was a failure at being loved enough to be wanted enough to
be part of a forever home. When you enter the system at eight years old, you
are already too old to be adopted on most cases. Families want the young ones.
The cute ones. The ones that don't come with years of abuse and baggage.
Foster Care Awareness Day 4
At eight-years- old I was taken to
a "holding place" it was called the Shalimar Center at the time it is
now called the Jamison Center. When we got there, they put us all in this
little room and brought all of us a paper bag with a sandwich and an apple and
a juice in it to eat. We scarfed it down as if it were our first meal in days and
in reality, it probably was. After that they took us one by one in a separate
little room. When it got to my turn they had me strip all my clothes off except
for my underwear. This is where they began to examine my body. They had a
clipboard with a piece of paper and on that paper, was a silhouette of a
child's body front and back. When they found a bruise, or cut or mark on my
body they would mark it down on that sheet of paper exactly where it was on my
body. Once they were done examining my body, I looked over at the piece of
paper and started crying. Because, that piece of paper was covered. Covered in
all the recent abuse I had endured. When they were done with that, they gave me
a different outfit which was about two-three sizes to big for me because at
eight years old I was skinny and mail nourished. This is when they also figured
out that we were all infested with lice. So to make matters worse we were made
to wear a hair net over our head. Which was a huge big embarrassing ordeal for
an eight-year-old. Can you imagine all of this happening to you, or someone you
know?
Foster Care Awareness Day 5
When I was nine years old we moved
in with a "long term" family. My sister and I lived there for almost
seven years. It was by far the worst situation you could imagine. Coming from
the background we came from; of abuse and mistrust and homelessness and
starvation. We were placed in this home for our own protection. For this family
to show us that not all adults are bad. To show us love. To support us, help us
grown, and to protect us. When I said in one of my earlier posts that some
foster homes turned out to be worse than what we came from, I wasn't kidding.
In the seven years, we lived with this family, my sister and I experienced some
of the most traumatizing events of our lives. We experienced physical, mental,
sexual, and emotional abuse. This is what I mean when I say Foster Care broke
me. Shattered what was left of my innocence, shattered my already broken heart.
Trust, such a funny thing it is. It takes years to earn, but only a second to
lose. Know your facts. Do your research. Find out what is really going on with
this broken #fostercare system. I know you see it in the news, "another
foster child dead" Why? They have already been through hell and back, only
to be placed in an even more frightening situation. It is not ok.
Foster Care Awareness Day 7
I remember going to the Department
of Human Services for a supervised visit with my parents and siblings. I
remember on numerous occasions sitting there starting out the window waiting
and hoping my parents would show up. Five minutes then ten minutes then an hour
and our time was up only to realize they were not going to come. The department
finally made a rule that if the parents don't show within fifteen minutes of
the scheduled visit then it was cancelled. I can't tell you how many times I
sat in that window only to be disappointed with them not showing up. It got to
the point where my siblings foster parents stopped bringing them, and that is
how we all lost contact and went our separate ways. Imagine that.
#fostercareawareness
Foster Care Awareness Day 8
My first time in the system was
when I was about two/three. It wasn't a long stay and my mom and her boyfriend
at the time were able to get us back. Within the next five years CPS was called
on my parents a total of EIGHTEEN times before they stepped in and removed us.
Can you imagine what it would have been like had they not sent us home? The
amount of abuse and neglect we went through in those five years. The real and
rawness is that it had gotten so bad that at seven/ eight years old I was
stealing milk and bread from the gas stations just to feed my siblings. The
store owner eventually started leaving his day old’s on the back step knowing I
would be by at some point to get it. Sometimes we would even find food in the
dumpsters to eat. We lived on Union Ave. I remember walking up and down Union
at five years old to go to school. Sometimes I didn't get to go to School
because I had to stay home and take care of my younger siblings. That was one
of the reasons CPS finally stepped in. I remember the day. We were home from
school and we were having lunch, which consisted of tortillas with butter.
Someone knocked on the door and I went and opened it. It was a lady in a pants
suit with a briefcase. She was asking if my mom was home and I said yes, and
invited the women inside. She talked to us for a minute and then started
walking around the motel room. She turned to walk out the door and said she had
to call her daughter who was getting ready to take an important test. Within
five minutes we had a dozen officers at our door. They came in and started
asking us questions like if we knew where the drugs were hidden. Being eight
and afraid we showed them all the hiding spots above the stove, in the fridges
seal. They saw all the dirty needles laying on the one bedroom floor where
there was a mattress that me, my sister and my younger brother slept on every
night, most of the time we had cockroaches crawling all over us. It was decided
that they would take us to go get some food. That is when all hell broke loose.
We were scared. They were putting us in the back of police cars and a big white
van. We weren't sure what was happening. I remember one of my brothers was so
scared he actually bit one of the officers. As we drove away from that hotel
room I watched as they were putting my mother in handcuffs, and to my surprise
there was my dad standing across the street with his bike. #fostercareawareness
Foster Care Awareness Day 9
When I was 16 almost 17 I found
what I had been looking and longing for, for so long. We were taken out of a
horrible situation and placed in Jamison yet again. But, this is where the
magic took place. We met our forever family. The Harris Clan came to interview
us as our next potential placement option. I remember when my mom Dina Harris
walked in with her daughter Jamie and her newborn grand baby. I was so nervous.
You never know what they are going to think of you and it is nerve racking
trying to make a perfect first impression so that they like you and so that
they are willing to open their home and give you a chance. Well all went well
and within a few weeks we were heading home. It was a big family full of
children of all ages. I fell in love immediately. I felt safe. I felt wanted.
For the first time in my life I knew things were going to be ok. Within six
months of. Wong there the prospect of adoption came up. I know it seems crazy
to think at 17 years old there would be an opportunity for us to be adopted. It
was a dream come true. A forever family. For me? It had to be too good to be
true right? Right. Sometimes things happen around you that are way out of your
control and unfortunately a few weeks before the finalization of our adoption
things went bad. Something happened that forced the state to step in and remove
us from our home. Somewhere we had grown to love. This is where and when I
ended up in a group home. I stayed there until I was 18. Once I turned 18 I
went back home to the Harris's that was my family, that still is my family.
They are a part of me and I am a part of them.
Thank you Dina and Danny for
restoring my hope and faith in the world. Thank you for saving me.
Foster Care Awareness Day 10
Did you know that at the Jamison
Center it is very uncommon for them to have clothes for older kids? I remember
when I was there on numerous occasions they had a hard time finding clothes and
shoes that would fit me. Not to mention, undergarments for teenage girls. It
wasn't our choice or our fault to be in the system. Did you know that you could
donate your gently used clothing and shoes to the Jamison center? Even toys.
You could make a difference for that one teenage girl who either has to wear
something too small or too big for her because they don't have her size in
clothing or shoes. I remember being so embarrassed when I was there. At eight
years old I was tiny, and weighed nothing. So I actually fit in a 5t. But,
because I was "eight" they wanted to put me in a normal
eight-year-old child’s size which ended up being way too big for me and made me
look even more ridiculous than I felt. Look up the foster care information in
your city. Be the difference.
Here is the address to the Jamison
Center, In case you wanted to donate and make a difference.
Address: 1010 Shalimar Dr,
Bakersfield, CA 93306
Phone: (661) 334-3500
Foster Care Awareness Day 11
Did you know that the average age
of a child in the system is 9. And the average time they will spend as a foster
child is 2.5 years. The average time before adoption is 2 years. Did you know
that it is very rare to find a forever family once you are past about eight
years old? Everyone wants the cute little babies and kids. The ones who may not
be as emotionally damaged as the older ones. Did you know becoming a foster
child was not my choice? Was not my fault? Did you know that everything that
happened was basically out of my control? Can you imagine waking up every
morning not knowing if you were staying where you were at or moving to a new
home? Can you imagine moving in to a stranger’s home, a place with new faces
new rules and a new way of everything and just having to "adjust"
only to be sent away after a few months because it just wasn't working out for
them. Or my favorite was, our biological children aren't getting enough
attention. Only to start the process of trusting another adult stranger with
your care. Can you imagine going to thirteen schools by the time you were in
6th grade? Now imagine this last one. Living in a home where they go to church.
You yourself are trying to learn about God and faith and everything only to be
jerked around from one religion to another. Would this cause you confusion? It
caused me confusion. Know your facts. Do your research. Be the change. There
are so many children who NEED a home, NEED love, NEED stability, NEED to know
that they are worth it.
Foster Care Awareness Day 15
Imagine this story. Which is based
off a true story.
Imagine moving into a foster home
at nine years old. By the time, you are 13 this family has gotten guardianship
of you. Meaning they are basically your parents until you are 18. It's almost
like adoption but not as final. So, at thirteen years old something changes.
The foster father starts sexually assaulting you. By fourteen you fall pregnant
by this person who is supposed to be your father, supposed to be someone you
trusted and supposed to keep you safe and protected. Imagine being fourteen not
knowing what is going on and what is going to happen. Imagine this pregnancy
being hidden from the world. Even the wife of this man. Imagine giving birth to
a baby in the garage, a birth that was induced and forced by a
"doctor" friend of this guy. Now imagine that child dying. Imagine
never hearing or seeing that child again. Imagine having to go back to your
life and pretend and act like this did not happen to you. Imagine living in
that home for another two years. Imagine being forced to continue to be abused
by this man. Not just sexually but, emotionally and physically and mentally.
Imagine this man buying you an engagement ring and forcing you to wear it
because when you turn eighteen he is going to marry you. Now imagine at fifteen
trying to take your own life because of these circumstances. Imagine being so
alone in a world full of people, people who have no idea what is going on
behind closed doors. Now imagine telling your social workers about this abuse.
And nothing being done about it because it wasn't proven or you had a wild
imagination. Imagine shutting the world out. Imagine hiding this deep dark
secret in the bottom of your soul until one day at nineteen years old you feel
safe enough to tell about it. Imagine at 16 years old when the county finally
steps in and learns about the abuse (not even about the child) and the police
department steps in to take action. Imagine one detective who believes your
story whole heartedly and wants nothing more than to put this rotten piece of
crap behind bars. Imagine the pain that comes from that never happening.
Imagine the pain of never having justice served. Imagine this monster getting
away with this. Imagine the same thing happening to your twin sister (minus the
pregnancy). Neither one of you able to talk about it because the father
threatened to kill your twin sister (something he was capable of). Imagine
finally telling your twin sister at 16 years old only for her to tell you it
was happening to her too. All of it, the same. 2 little girls who had their
innocence stripped from them and scared into secrecy for 4 years, abuse after
abuse after abuse, with no one to tell and no one who would believe them
anyways. This is the reality of what can happen and DID happen in foster care.
Foster Care awareness Day 17
Let me tell you a little bit about
my oldest brother Joshua. Today marks nine months since he flew to heaven. Josh
is older than my twin sister and I by 12 months and 21 days. So to say we were
all super close growing up is an understatement. Josh was our protector. He was
also a typical big brother and with us being the only girls they made sure we
knew how "loved" we were lol him and my brother Daniel came up with
two nicknames for Pauline and I, they called her airhead and me birdbrain. It
use to bother us but now I would give anything to hear him call me it again.
Josh had a rough time in the system he also bounced from home to home, often
being the target of physical and even sexual abuse. By the time we were adults
and aged out of the system, he had endured more than he should have. This didn't
hold him back he got accepted in to the Orange County school of arts because he
was a phenomenal artist. He was there for a while but life happened and he
decided to move on. Through those years, he ended up losing two babies. Which
in all since destroyed him. He turned to drugs and the street life. He was on
the streets for about six years struggling to defeat his demons. Throughout
these six years I saw him on a regular basis. Family was everything to him. He
made sure his family was doing ok and would often come by on his bike with milk
and cereal just to make sure we had food if ever there was a time we didn't.
Like I said he had his own trauma and demons he was fighting with, but that
never stopped him from showing his kindness and compassion to anyone. He was a
great big brother and throughout our entire time in the system we never lost
contact for more than a few months. Coming from a big family, of ten kids Josh
and Pauline and I took it upon ourselves to care for and protect our younger
siblings. He was just as hurt and destroyed by our time in the system as we
were. Unfortunately, Josh passed away in August due to what the coroner called
an "accidental drowning" I cannot put in to words how devastated and
destroyed this made me feel. After fighting to be together for so many years he
was gone. It hurts my heart knowing that some of our younger siblings will
never get the opportunity to know Josh. One of my biggest dreams for years has
been to get a picture of all ten of us siblings together for the first time
ever. That will never happen. The biggest piece of our#martin10strong will
forever be missing. This is sometimes the end result of growing up in the
system and aging out with no stable family life after. Often just floating
through life trying to survive. Imagine seeing your brother every couple of
days for years and the. All of a sudden not seeing him. It worried me but not
something that was totally unusual a I the last time I saw him was the night of
the 16th and he had come by to say hi. Here is how much the system is messed
up. It took the coroners office TEN days to locate a family member to identify
his body. They ended up contacting my sister in Arizona on August 27th, which
resulted in her calling me and me having to call the coroners office. It took
me about a week to be able to gain right to his body in order to put him to
rest. Why? Because we live in a world of brokenness. A broken system. There was
no information on for next of kin and by default it goes back to our biological
parents once we age out of the system. How horrible is that. They gave us up
yet they have the final say in our death
Yours Truly,
Rebecca Martin
An Advocate. A Warrior. A Survivor.
